Wednesday, March 24, 2010

An old observation, still true

I wrote this quite some time ago (while pregnant with Lydia, so about 2 1/2 years ago). I sent it out as an e-mail and posted it on a parenting forum. I was thinking of it last night as I was trying to get comfortable (a futile attempt).

Have you ever noticed that the bigger you get, the more animalistic your movements get? Here is my list of the "pregnant lady moves"

1. The grizzly bear. This one is done when we are trying to get comfortable in bed. The baby is pushing on our lungs, our significant others are happily snoring away next to us, and we're grunting and shifting around trying to get comfortable for our hibernation.
2. The turtle. When you roll over from one side to the other by going on your back first. Even though we're all told that laying flat on our backs after the fourth month will surely kill us, the baby, and the rest of the world (so maybe that's a bit dramatic, but really, a few seconds won't kill us like they seem to think). You roll over, hoping that you'll land on your other side, but what happens is, you get stuck on your back. Then you have to kick and flail your limbs about to try and tip to the other side. You forgot you had a boulder in your belly!
3. The puppy dog. This is when you don't want to suffer through the turtle and you decide to roll over through your belly. Of course that boulder is in your way, so you have to get up on your hands and knees, move all your pillows around, paw at the bed, chase your tail (okay I made that part up!), then finally flop down to sleep. (usually only to have to get up and pee mere seconds later).
4. The beached whale. This is when you have to get up and pee. You roll to the side facing the edge of the bed. You have to push yourself up to a sitting position, then scoot your butt as far to the end as you can. Finally you lug your big ole butt off the bed. Every once in a while your significant other needs to help you and give you a push.
5. The penguin. This is the one we all know about. You're walking around with a watermelon between your legs, loose hips, and a sore back. Of course you look like a penguin. Waddle away!!!

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